I think I won the penis lottery.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
