WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
