i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
