Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
