Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
