O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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