Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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