my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
