just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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