??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
