I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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