He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
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Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?