omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.