Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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