I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Randomize
