Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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