so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
