so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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