Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
