So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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