Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
