If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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