Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
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When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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