Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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