He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
