well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
