Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
