You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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