i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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