Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
