I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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