just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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