That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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