So drunk its hurt
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
