I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
