Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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