trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
