why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
