I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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