barbara walters just said penis...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Randomize
