One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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