i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
