just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
