is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
