I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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