Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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