Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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