Too much gin, very little bucket
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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