somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
