I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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