Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
