I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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