...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
