So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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