therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
