Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
