3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
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