I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
