She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
