I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize
