i just wanna soil my oats bro
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
