Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
