connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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