I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
