I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
