How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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