Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Even my vagina gasped.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
