I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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