he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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