you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
