Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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