im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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