dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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