all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
