omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
