i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
