Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
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she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
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When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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