I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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