apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
