What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i think my mom watched the whole time
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
