I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
